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Archive for September 29th, 2009

Have been absent from here for a week or more, just after I’d decided (realised yet again) that an hour’s writing and an hour’s jogging every day are what I need to keep me sane and happy (and so it follows that I took a week off running too). My inner saboteur strikes again. 

But there have been reasons enough. After school clubs and homework to organise, endless trips to government offices for the crucial documenti, a weekend visit from Stef’s parents, a dramatic finger-slicing accident in the woods, subsequent trips to pronto soccorso, and tetanus jabs…a needed break from the rigours of running after my heart felt like it was going to burst…a crisis of confidence (oh, when will those stop?) about blogging and time-wasting and splurging to all and sundry the dreadful intricacies of this turgid life…(esagerato, but I’m on a roll…).

The usual persistent, inconclusive decision-making crossroads about how much energy to put into starting up Wordplay again, looking for a space to run workshops (actually, update people, the wonderful Caffe Tommaseo has agreed…more of which later) or should I just kick back, and let the dust settle – oh, and how the dust settles round here….where is my duster???

You see how easily I am distracted?

And also, beneath the surface of all this activity, is the slow getting-used-to of this new home. Home is a big word. And a good word. It has nothing to do with wooden floors and a big back garden, or with cycle paths and sea views, or with the friendly greetings from neighbours and passers-by. It has everything to do with time. And we have a long way to go before we have had enough time here to make this place home.

So I am trying to balance, on the one hand, this objective sense that this place is beautiful – perfect in many ways – and the other truth that I have no roots here; I am displaced. It is a familiar existential feeling – one I first recognised when we were flying over Mexico City many years ago (1990) and all I could think was, why here? why now? why all these houses here?

It’s hard to translate that feeling.

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