Posts Tagged ‘au pair’

So this life I lead always puts me in a dilemma:

  • the freedom of being able to up sticks, move country, be here to help the kids settle in, see that they’re fed, done their homework, can tell me about their days, shout at me;
  • the freedom to be able to hang out the laundry…sweep the floor, clean the toilet,
  • the freedom to fit in around everyone else when necessary;
  • the freedom to not have a live-in au pair,
  • not (right now at least) have a cleaner,
  • not have to commute an hour to work or come home just at weekends…
  • not have to make continuous complicated arrangements for pick-ups and drop-offs and holidays and..aaah, the stress…
  • the freedom to – if I feel like it – sit down and write…

BUT there is a lot of frustration too in having to always recreate a schedule, find my place, have no fixed work abode. And right now, no real money that I can call my own, earned money. [God, this is such ancient politics – not being officially paid for housework or childcare – or blogging for that matter!]

Sooner or later I will start up Wordplay again. I’ll teach creative writing in the evenings to adults, I might teach life writing in the mornings to mums, I might teach creative writing after school to kids. I’ll run a monthly book club, I’ll find a wonderful retreat centre and run creative writing residential weekends and holidays. I’ll go back to London every now and then, reunited with my lovely students and continue my programme of day workshops.

All these things I have been doing – and loving it – and it took a long time to set up and get the numbers. Most important of all, I finally found a home for Wordplay in Acton – at The Rocket, a pub with an upstairs function room full of character where I ran the book club, the courses, the short story slam, my farewell party…Now I have to find somewhere like that in Trieste. A place that has a good vibe, feels cultural, artistic, cosy. A place that would welcome creative writers and book readers. Where our relationship would be mutually beneficial (and therefore the room would be free!)

I have to reinvent Wordplay here in Italy (which means sell myself all over again, actually, which I am NO good at).

And the other always ongoing dilemma is whether to just leave it all to settle for a while and use this space to do some writing of my own. I could. I have lot to do. But somehow the yawning undisciplined space leaves me unproductive – and even more frustrated. It’s always better to have too much to do. 

Or maybe once I have stopped shelving and re-shelving my books, once the pictures are hung in their rightful places, the bed is bought, the lawn is re-laid, the flowers planted,  the dishes done…Once all that is done, maybe I will turn my mind to higher things.

Or maybe I’ll just keep writing this blog, in between moments, when my arms are aching from too much furniture removal and I feel the need to communicate with friends and strangers in the world out there and just share the small trials, tribulations and joys of this extraordinarily ordinary life.

What a luxury!


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